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January 7, 2018
By Tom Hopke, Contributing Columnist
Men who want to be successful spend a lot of time dreaming
about success. But they spend very little time thinking
through one of the keys to almost every successful man ---
his choice of partner. Whether it's Bill Gates, Warren Buffet
or the President of the United States, every extremely
successful man has to make a critical choice in his climb
upward about the type of woman or partner he needs. Note
that the choice is what he "needs", not "wants".
Successful Men Are Calculating in Terms of Mate Choices
For, it is clear, successful men are strategic when it comes to
the selection of spouses. Take Barack Obama. He dated
before marrying. By his own accounts, he considered
selecting a male partner. As Pulitzer Prize winning author, Dr.
David Garrow wrote in his biography of Obama, Rising Star,
the Making of Barack Obama: "Obama wrote somewhat
elusively to his first intimate girlfriend that he had thought
about and considered gayness, but ultimately had decided
that a same-sex relationship would be less challenging and
demanding than developing one with the opposite sex".
He carefully considered his choices in light of his ambitions.
Ultimately, he chose Michelle Obama, an intelligent, ambitious,
determined woman as his life partner, and together they
succeeded in a way neither could have alone.
This may seem too calculating for some, but it is clear that
almost all successful men make calculations about the
qualities they need in a mate.
Men Who Are Already Successful Often Choose Attractiveness
Over Other Qualities
Men who are already successful when they meet their future
mates, such as Donald Trump or Larry Ellison of Oracle or
John Lucas of Star Wars fame, often prioritize attractiveness
over other qualities. This is not to say that they are willing to
date an attractive women even if she lacks the other qualities
we discuss below but it is a fact that attractiveness counts for
men who are already successful.
The reason this is so is straightforward. Men who are just
starting out or who are not where they want to be in terms
of success need women who can help the climb up, so they
must prioritize qualities such as effectiveness and intelligence
Here are the qualities successful men seek in a partner:
There is a fundamental law of success -- you need others to
succeed. You will never succeed as fat alone as you will with
a good partner. And the one essential quality that partner
must have is high intelligence.
Even if you make your living doing things with your body ---
like Roger Federer, Steph Curry or Lebron James --- you
need a partner who can help you think clearly and
strategically about the career choices you must make. You
need someone who can help you sift through financial, hiring
and firing decisions.
Successful men often meet their partners in college or school.
There's a reason for that. Mark Zuckerberg met his wife in
Harvard College at a fraternity party. Brains met brains,
formed an alliance and went about succeeding.
Now, truth is, neither Zuckerberg is all that physically
attractive. But they are smart enough to see what is
important in a mate. And, truth is, neither Barack nor Michelle
Obama is drop dead gorgeous. But again, they saw the
intelligence they needed to went on their way succeeding.
As a team, a man and woman must accomplish goals together
with high efficiency. This means the relationship and the
woman cannot have personality traits that cause drag or
friction. If a woman is argumentative, needlessly so, then
that drains energy needed to accomplish goals.
What you can accomplish in 3 months with some partners will
take you 3 years or never with others. You only have one life.
Time counts. Use it wisely in selecting the right woman.
3. Principles and Morals
If you are a swinger or believe in an open marriage, more
power to you. But if you expect fidelity, and you would view
infidelity as a betrayal, then take your time to carefully
understand your future mate's character.
Be wary of any signs of manipulation, control or lack of
evenhandedness. Ignore religion, unless the religion is
severely controlling, in which case, run very fast away.
Character is displayed in the choices someone has already
made before they meet you. Did they abandon their children?
Did they break off and "ghost" a past boyfriend, never
returning phone calls? Dig deep for reasons. Ask questions
and study her face when she answers.
4. On the Same Page About Money
If getting rich is one of your goals, you need to seek a mate
who values money. Does she carry a big credit card balance?
Has she paid off her student loans? Is she fair in her
expectations of what the two of you can spend?
Is she a saver? Is she greedy? Is she stingy? Does she get
gifts for her parents or loved ones on their birthdays? Did
she meet you on a "marry rich" website? Is she a big tipper?
How often does she expect to go out to eat or eat takeout at
These are clues about how she really feels about money.
If you plan on having children with her, you will have to
ferret out her qualities as a potential mother. Does she like
children? Is she patient? Is she smart? The kids will have half
Of course, you need to make sure that her grooming habits
are up to snuff. Not just bathing, showering but does she see
a gynecologists regularly? Is she fastidious about her skin?
You want to share a life, not staff infections and STDs.
This one may not be a deal-breaker. But do you analyze
politics similarly even if you end up on different sides of the
spectrum? Does she respect your political opinions even if
she doesn't agree with them?
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