|Is Invasion of Privacy the
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May 5, 2018
By Tom Hopke, Contributing Columnist
In almost any relationship, no matter how long it is, there are
lines which cannot be crossed. For many women and men,
that line is infidelity. For others, it is financial secrecy. That
was the straw that broke the back of Shaquille O'Neill's
marriage, you might recall. He broke it off after finding off his
wife had secret bank accounts. But for many more people,
the "red line" that must never be crossed is something
seemingly innocuous --- invasion of privacy.
In an age of Facebook, where people post anything about
everything personal about themselves, privacy would seem to
be a commodity no one care about. But they do.
People have a keen awareness of their sphere of privacy.
Scientists believe that we are born with an innate sense of
what belongs t us and what belongs to the world. Every two
year old can tell you what is "mine". And even mighty
Facebook, history's largest collector of personal information,
recently learned a painful lesson about the consequences of
allowing a contractor to mishandle private information in the
so-called Cambridge Analytical scandal. That scandal, in
which a private contractor is alleged to have sold personal
information of Facebook users, has shaved billions of dollars
off the share price of Facebook.
What Is Private Information In a Relationship?
What is "private" is somewhat depends on the person. Some
people consider all financial information private. They will
discuss their sexual lives openly but do not ask them about
their salary or at they pay for mortgage or rent.
In a relationship, the partners have to circle around the issue
of privacy. It's a tough subject. But it's worth the foray into
this arena. You have to put in the effort to find out what your
girlfriend or wife considers private should be a high priority.
Here are some questions that can help you penetrate the
We think using hypotheticals will help you and your partner
to shed light on what she considers private.
1. If a man is in a long-term relationship, is it okay for him to
go into a woman's purse? Under what circumstances is it
okay? Is it always out of bounds, even in an emergency?
2. How much should I know about your close friend's
secrets? If a girlfriend has sworn you to secrecy about an
affair she is having, is that something you would or should
share with me? What if one of your girlfriends dislikes me
but asks you not to tell me, is that something you consider
your private business?
3. How much of my internet browsing do I have to share
with you? Is what I look at online always my business?
Under what circumstances would you consider it your
business to know what I am looking at online?
4. I don't like to have to tell anyone how I spend my money.
Do you consider how I spend my money your business?
What if I choose to spend my money on a strip club, is that
your business? Does it matter how much I spend on pursuits
like this or do you think you should be able to outlaw
spending on certain things?
5. If you are not at home and I see a letter for you from a
business, would you consider it an invasion of privacy if I
opened the letter? What kinds of letters addressed to you
should I always be able to open without your permission?
6. Should I have your passwords to your social media
accounts and e-mails? Which ones do you consider strictly
7. Should you ever read your girlfriend's text messages? Is it
always an invasion of privacy? Under what circumstances
would it be okay to read your text messages?
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