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September 26, 2009, last updated June 10, 2013
By Tom Hopke
So, you messed up. You know. She knows it. But now you
want to get her back. She is the one you want, even if you
never told her that enough. But how exactly do you do that?
How do you win back her love and affection? What tips
actually work, and what strategies are more likely to get win
you put on permanent "block" in her cell phone?
Here's the deal. The problem you are facing is faced by men
all over the world, no matter who they are or what's in their
bank account. So don't despair. Don't hang your head, man.
Even Prince Harry, the 24-year old third-in-line heir to the
British throne, had to work to win back the affection of his
girlfriend Chelsy Davy after they broke up.
Here are some tips that can help you win her back.
1. Analyze Before You Leap. What separates man from
monkeys? We analyze better. So, use your advantage. Switch
on your brain before you do anything. Before you pick up the
phone. Before you utter a word to her friends. Before you
make a mistake.
Get out a pen and paper and write down your recollection of
when you noticed things first going bad. You'll be surprised
at the amount of detail that starts to show up on the page
once you start writing it down.
Now, draw a line down the middle of a blank page. On the
right hand side put all the reasons for the breakup that YOU
alone are responsible for. On the left put her share of the
Now, here's the hard part. Fold the page n half so only the
half showing your part of the blame shows. Why? What's fair
about that ? She is partly to blame after all, right? But the
truth is, she is not interested in sharing blame. That's why
she left. Reminding her of what she has to do will not work
as a strategy for winning her back.
Maybe after you get back with her, you two can both start
working on her side of the page. But not now.
Once you have your part of the blame clearly in focus, then
you are ready to put a game plan into motion.
2. Make Her Laugh. When a girl leaves you, she is either
angry or shut-down. Either way, the easiest way back into
her heart is not through drama. It's through comedy. Make
her laugh. As a 2000 study by Professor Robert Provine of
the University of Maryland found, women seek men who
make them laugh.
Other studies from other universities have confirmed the
same thing. One study from researchers from Westfield State
College in Massachusetts McMaster University in Hamilton,
Ontario, asked more than 200 male and female college
students to look at photos of members of the opposite sex.
Some had funny quotes pinned beneath them, such as: "My
high school was so rough we had our own coroner." Others
had bland ones: "I'd rather walk to school than take the bus."
Women went for the guys with the funny quotes. They
ranked them as "more friendly, fun and popular". The funny
guys were ranked higher as potential boyfriends or husbands.
Guys, listen up. Funny works. Witty works. Not stupid, not
lame jokes. But the kind of funny that shows that you've got
a sharp brain.
It worked for Prince Harry. To get back with his ex, he sent a
life-sized action figure to her apartment. Forget flowers.
That can come later. Send her something that will bring a
smile to her lips. Maybe a singing telegram. Maybe a cartoon
in an e-mail. Laughter opens up the heart. Once it's open,
then it's time for step 2.
3. Make a Pact. There is a basic difference between men and
women. Men love adventure. Women love security. Many
women leave when they can no longer muster up the faith in
you to believe your promises.
So, make a pact. Write down a Contract . And sign it. Type it
up nice and pretty. Promise to stop drinking, stop
womanizing. Put in a penalty so she'll get something if you
break your promise. Promise her something that matters, like
"I'll pay for 3 dinners at our favorite restaurant with your
new boyfriend, if I break my promise". That should get her
attention, and make your promise more believable. By the
way, guys, these contracts are probably enforceable in a
court, so only promise what you can deliver.
Again, this one worked for Prince Harry and has worked for
many other men.
4. Look Good. Don't let yourself go. You'll just look pathetic.
It won't arouse sympathy in her. It will arouse her pity. Bad
move. Instead, get a new shirt, suit up, clean up, groom it
up. Remember, you're selling and she's buying. If she
recently broke up with you, then she is probably still in the
window-shopping phase with other men. Make sure you
stack up well in comparison. Get to the gym. Look good.
And, despite your momentarily vulnerable spot, try to project
some degree of confidence. Not arrogance. Confidence.
Women do not warm up to pathetic. They do like confidence.
The reasons are myriad for the attractiveness of confidence
but, suffice to say, that if you were an animal in the wild
looking for a mate, the one shivering in the corner would not
be your first choice.
Own yup to what you did and be sincere. But look good,
stand up straight and be confident that you know you can
turn things around. You'll give off the smell of success that
women love. In fact, there is now some proof that women
actually smell your testosterone levels.
5. Smile. In a landmark 2006 study from the University of
California at Santa Barbara found that women choose men as
potential dates or long-term partners who project positive
Researchers believe that women are programmed through
evolution to choose men who are masculine and who have
positive emotions towards children. Subconsciously, women
are selecting masculine men for short-term relationships and
men who are positive towards children for long-term
relationships. And, women are actually very good at picking
out these future traits just from looking at the faces of men.
The most important cue women pick up on as to whether you
are a positive or a negative guy is your smile. So, guys, think
positive and let it show through. Show the pearly whites.
6. Attack from the Rear. In a battle, it's always a good tactic.
Don't make a frontal approach. Go through her friends. They
are her biggest influencers. They are probably the ones who
talked her into leaving or supported her decision to leave.
This tip worked when my brother-in-law broke u with my
sister. He started his campaign to win her back by admitting
his flaws, and coming clean with her friends. He kept saying
"all I want is a chance, all I want is for her to take my phone
calls..." They took pity on him, and started softening up my
He was back with her in 3 months.
Do Women Smell Your Testosterone Levels?
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