What's Up This Week:
Men's Fitness and Health:
Ideal Weight for Men
Bench Press Average for Guys of Different Weight
Foods That Make You Bald
Stop Snoring-Tips That Work
Waist-to-Hip The New Number That Counts
Tiger's Core Work-Out
Six Pack Abs The Work-outs That Work
The Add Muscle Diet
Lose 10 lbs-Simple Diet
Prostate Cancer Linked to Fatty Diet
Snoring Affects ED
Normal Penis Size
Bad Bed Habits Turning Her Off?
Low Folate Harms Sperm-New Study
Foods That Help You Maintain Your Erection
Exercises That Improve Erectile Function
Men Who Prefer Masturbation
Benefits of Masturbation
Tiger Tops World's Richest Athletes-Earns $112
Cash Machine or Voting Booth-- What Politicians
What Is Normal Height for a Man?
Male Baldness Affected By Diet
Free Yourself--Work At Home Latest Listings
Galleries of the Week-Browse
Galleries Sexy Legs
Man Poll of the Month-Below
If You Had to Sleep with a Woman Other Than
Your Wife or Girlfriend, Who Would It Be?-Vote
|Fitness, Sports, Money-Nuff Said
|This Month's Man Polls
Man Poll Number 1:
If you had to choose a
woman to sleep with other
than your wife or girlfriend,
who would it be?
Top Choices (So far):
Jessica Alba 79%
Eva Mendez 0%
Jessica Biehl 0%
Man Poll Number 2:
Should Eliot Spitzer Have
Resigned for Sleeping With
Man Poll Number 3:
Is Barack Obama manly
enough to be
Breaking Up --- Why Men Take It
Do Women Smell Your Testosterone Musk?
Get Your Ex Back
Scent of a Woman -How Her Smells Affect You
Bad Bed Habits That Turn Her Off
Men and Women Actually Lie Differently
How to Get Yourself Under Control - 10 Surprising Techniques
Taking Too Many Showers -Top 7 Health Dangers
Germaphobia in America - The Fear That Unites Us
My Underarms Sweat Too Much - Top 7 Remedies
Spermadine - The Unique Compound in Food That Extends Your Lifespan
I Smell Like Sulphur - Causes and Cures
The Mysterious Color That Controls Men
Shy Guys -Do They Have an Advantage?
How to Get a Great Shave
Is Monogamy Normal?
Prostate Cancer -How It is Linked to a Fatty Diet
Power Poses and 7 Other Tips to Raise Testosterone Naturally
Prostate Cancer-Top 10 Signs
Enlarged Prostate-Causes and Top 10 Natural Remedies
The Fruit That Can Restore Damaged Testosterone Levels
Stop Burning When You Urinate
10 Superfoods for Mens Health
Yoga to Strengthen Erectile Performance
Foods That Help You Maintain Your Erection
Normal Penis Size
Get Lean Diet for Men
May 3, 2017
By S. Callahan, Associate Editor and Featured Columnist
Everyday, in America, it's breaking up time again. Over 70%
of all couples break up within the first 2 years of a
relationship, a study from Stanford started in 2009 found.
Time seems to work wonders. With each passing year, the
chance of your breaking up falls by 10% each year, according
to Dr. Michael Rosenfeld, the lead researcher. After 5 years,
the break-up rate falls to about 20%.
But if you are not among the lucky ones to make it to 5 years
or if, despite your efforts and dreams, you break up after 5
years, you are entering an important phase of your life. For
men, breaking up is a very different process psychologically
and socially than it is for women. Studies have found that
breaking up is just harder for men than women. Why is that?
What is it about men that makes it harder to let go of a
Men Never Really Get Over a Significant Relationship,
In 2015, researchers at Binghamton University and the
University of London asked people about their feelings after a
break up. Women rated their pain at 6.84 on a scale of 1 to
10, while men rated their pain somewhat lower at 6.58. But
that pain rating was how they felt right after a break up.
During this initial break up phase, women let their emotions,
grieve and slowly emerge from the break up with acceptance
and emotional health restored.
Men handle things differently. After a break up, they feel
pain, yes, but they have been socialized to get on with the
business at hand of competing for and finding a new mate.
Men, like women, feel pain during this time, yes. But unlike
women, men never really resolve the pain. They just continue
to live with it. Scientists say that, for significant relationships,
men never really get over the break up. Not after a month,
not after a year, not after 20 years. Even after starting a new
relationship, lmen carry somewhere in them the pain of a
woman they have lost.
If the woman was a "catch", a woman of high physical
beauty, intelligence, social stature or wealth, the pain the man
feels deepens with the realization as the years go by that his
chances of finding a replacement are not high. He may in fact
have lost the irreplaceable one.
For women, breaking up is a process shared with friends and
family. Women exist in a culture which makes it acceptable
for them to share emotions openly with friends and family.
They are encouraged to " cry it out". Though things are
changing somewhat, men still are discouraged from openly
showing vulnerability. Men still are being raised to never,
ever, ever, ever cry in public. A vulnerable man is a weak
man, our culture says. And a weak man, the social logic
dictates, is not a man.
We can save the debate over that social "logic" for another
day. But it is a true reflection of where we are. It's not true
for every single one of us of course and all of us can point to
this or that celebrity or politician who gets away with crying
but by and large, it is still true that men cannot display
weakness in public without social shaming.
So, the man following a break up remains attached to his
pain, which becomes in some cases a substitute lifelong
Low Grade Depression or High Grade Violence
Unresolved pain can lead to depression and suicidal thoughts.
While both men and women can reach these depths of
despair following a break up, studies show than men are
more likely to act out violently against women or themselves
after a break up.
The realization that a women s going to leave him triggers in
many men feelings of both hopelessness and/or revenge.
What is at the root of these feelings? Why do men become
violent after a break up? Why do they seek to destroy a
women or themselves?
Part of the reason may be that glimpse of the irreplaceable.
This is not a romantic feeling. This is a calculation. A man who
feels a woman cannot be replaced with another woman as
good or better feels not only that he has lost --- he feels like
He has competed for her and he has "won" her affection; if
he allows her to leave through that door, she will transform
him from the ,an who won her, the winner, into the man who
let her make him into a loser.
This subtle difference is the key. Men feel as though women,
by making a decision to leave, are victimizing them,
committing the act of transforming them from one social
status of winner to a lower social status of loser.
They are completely indifferent to the reality that women
leave for their own reasons. They leave to better their
emotional lives, pr perhaps to save their lives from infidelity
or emotional starvation or financial instability or to save the
children or a host of other reasons/ Nowhere in that calculus
is the desire to actively do something to change the man's
For women, leaving is doing something for themselves, not
doing something against a man. For a man, leaving is simply
an assault against him.
He may say "why are you doing this to me?" And internally,
some men answer that question by re-painting the once ideal
woman not as the source of love she once was but as a new
mortal enemy. She is the one who is taking something from
me that belonged to me, that I won after a competing hard
This is why breaking up is such a dangerous thing for women
to do. Studies have shown that the period after breaking up
is when a women faces the highest risk in her life of being
killed or harmed.
Psychologists have come to understand that most men need
psychological support to transition out of a relationship in a
healthy way, in a way that will not leave them with a pain that
never goes away or a woman with physical pains inflicted
upon her by the man.
Here is a blueprint to follow if you find yourself at the
receiving end of a break up.
1. Understand that the New Goal is Acceptance
When a woman tells you that it's over, the fist reaction is
disbelief. Even if you well understand on an intellectual level
the issues that have led her to this, it will take time to really
take on board the emotional reality that she has made the
decision to leave.
The first goal is to get yourself to a place to understand that
the decision to leave belongs to the one who leaves. It is a
unilateral decision usually, so you will in fact feel stripped of
your vote in the matter.
But you cannot change her vote by taking away her power to
vote. The power to vote to leave stays with each person in
the relationship throughout the relationship. Neither of you
ever give up that right to vote to leave. That is part of what
makes the relationship worthwhile. She comes to you by
exercising her free will, she chooses to give you her love and
her years, and you do the same. Neither of you is forced to
fall in love or to stay.
How do you make it all the way to acceptance of the reality
that she is leaving? One step is to remind yourself of the free
women you fell in love with in the first place. See that woman
again in your mind. See that woman that you competed for.
It was the power to convince that free woman to come over
to your side that made you feel the conquest. It would not
have felt like a conquest had she not been free. You would
have won nothing.
In this same way, you can remain free from the demons of
revenge if you see that letting her walk way is to confirm that
you never succumbed to the crutch of seeing her as a
"thing", a "belonging".
2. Fill the Holes Before They Swallow You Whole
Stay connected with your hobbies and your friends and
family. Your life is larger than a relationship. Keep it large.
Start to learn a new skill, whether that is a new language,
yoga, sport or meditation. The trick is to invest as much
energy in improving you as possible. For the better that you
feel about you, the more easily you will be able to understand
that her leaving does not reduce you to nothing.
3. Be Around Other Women and Enjoy the Visions
Men are visual creatures. Enjoy the sights of other women.
Enjoy the music of their voices; the sounds of their laughter.
Make no emotional demands on them or yourself for awhile
after a break up. Respect your own emotional self and allow
yourself as much time to heal as your body allows itself to
heal a large bone after a bad break.
|Your sweat may have amazing powers over women.
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