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February 27, 2015
By Tom Hopke, Contributing Columnist
Men and women are different, men are from Mars, women
are from Venus and why can't we all just get along -- we've
all heard the pablum. But, when it comes to choosing
potential partners, scientists have uncovered that
fundamental differences actually do exist between men and
women. We're all in the supermarket of love ---but men and
women shop in completely different aisles.
What Men Look for in a Woman
Studies ---yes, people actually spend their lives studying
these things --- have found that men value 5 things in mates:
Men seek out attractive women, scientists believe, because
over the many millions of years of our evolutionary existence,
humans have come to believe that prettier people make
healthier babies. Humans have come to associate ugliness ---
for lack of a better word --- with genetic defects. Since men
have a biological urgency to pass on their genes to the next
generation, men naturally seek out "higher value", meaning
attractive women, to carry their genes.
As for a good sense of humor, men seek women who are not
necessarily funny themselves but who will laugh at their
jokes, according to a 2006 study led by Dr. Eric Bressler from
Westfield State College in Massachusetts.
So, if she is attractive, intelligent and laughs at their jokes,
--she's a keeper.
But what about women? What are they looking for in a man?
The answers may surprise you
Women Really Do Seek Higher Earners
Women value the following traits among prospective partners:
Higher Earnings potential
Ability to Make Her Laugh
This list is not that surprising. But how women judge these
characteristics may in fact surprise you. Women select men
who "frame" the traits they desire positively. For example, a
man who is ambitious but who does not display
ambitiousness as a trait, will not be selected as a mate by
high value (attractive, intelligent, kind, laughing) women.
In a 2003 study led by Dr. Gad Saad of the John Molson
School of Business, Concordia University in Quebec Canada,
scientists discovered that women are far more sensitive to
how a trait is "framed" than men.. Women are far more
sensitive to negative and positive framing. They shy away
from items in the supermarket which are marketed in a
How can you improve the way you "frame" your
attractiveness to women? How can you project "ambition"
and "higher earning potential" even if you're not?
Here are 5 tips:
1. Wear a Good Watch. People make snap judgements about
who you are based on what you're wearing. And one of the
items you wear which yells "ambition" is a watch, a good one
preferably. Men who don't wear watches are perceived as
lazy, unfairly or not. So, invest your time in selecting a good
watch or a passably good fake one, until you can afford a
good one. Make sure the watch band is not frayed. If it is,
2. Keep Your Shoes Up. No matter what style of shoe you
wear, make sure that they are cared for -- clean, no tears.
Gone are the days when a good shine meant a man had a
good job. Women today are more sophisticated than that.
And it's true that in Silicon Valley you're more likely to find a
billionaire in tennis shoes than in wingtips. But, unless you
actually live in Silicon Valley and are trying to find a date
there, invest in a pair of good shoes.
3. Smells Counts. The olfactory system houses our oldest
sense --the sense of smell. Our brains are wired to like people
who smell great. So, shower, every day and find a cologne or
musk that complements your natural body odor. Wear it
around a friend or family member first to get a reading.
4. Do Not Stare. Contrary to popular opinion, women do not
like to be stared at. Women liked to be looked at, glanced at
but not --- I repeat not--- stared at. Just take a look, smile a
bit and let it go for awhile. Then, maybe hit it again.
5. Wear Black. Women associate brighter colors with
non-seriousness. And they associate non-seriousness with
low earnings potential. So, ditch the bright green, orange and
flamboyantly printed shirts. Stick to black. It works.
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